I wish I could explain, even if just to myself, why I find crackpots so deeply fascinating. I think it’s the thrill of danger. When I start reading their stuff, I can feel the gentle tug of the void opening up, ready to receive me. Yes, tell me more. Yes, I would like to discuss your views on this street corner for an hour.
Honestly, if I weren’t so averse to getting information from YouTube videos, I’d probably be a raving Tartarian right now.
Because in my job, you have to be ready to understand anything. If you don’t understand it, sometimes you have to put in the effort to make it make sense. And that means sometimes you give people the benefit of too much doubt. Enter the Infinityscrew Engine. https://patents.google.com/patent/US20180159444A1
I sat down to start reading this, fully willing to believe that I was merely ignorant. See, I’ve got a whole-ass physics degree under my belt, but I’m ashamed to say that my familiarity with the field topology is quarter-assed at best. So when I was flipping through the figures and saw the torii, I thought I might be in for a schooling.
My friends, I needn’t have worried! This bad boy can fit so much perpetual motion in it!
As the engine rotates around the axis, the spheres 260 move in procession through the sphere tubes 270, making an infinite infinity loop, thanks to the redirectors 290 at each end of the spinning engine, which keep them in perpetual poloidal motion during engine rotation.USPP 2018/0159444, ¶103
It starts pretty straight-faced. It points out that all available approaches to energy generation have large inefficiencies and laments the lack of a sustainable source of energy. Right there, I caught a hint of where we were going. But rather than going toe-to-toe with the laws of thermodynamics right away, it takes a little detour to talk about how awesome torii are.
A torus is a supernatural phenomenon considered to be the universal engine of creation—from atoms to stars to universes, and from cells to hearts to people. The torus is everywhere, always. The torus draws its strength from the “no-thing” or vacuum and gives itself completely, over and over.USPP 2018/0159444, ¶25
So how do you harness the mighty torus? You get yourself an Infinityscrew my friend, full of orbs!
See the spoke tube? The one with all the spheres in it? The specification tells me that is somehow analogous to the hand or foot of the human body. In fact, each part of the Infinityscrew has a fleshy analogue, if you have the patience to read the whole thing. Every part, that is, except the part which is analogous to the mind or spirit. That’s the HALO.
The Helper Avatar Locator Observer (HALO) is the metaphysical equivalent of mind or spirit for the InfinityScrew engine. Each InfinityScrew has its own HALO avatar guide. … HALO oversees all aspects of an IS engine’s operation. HALO is the encouraging hand that watches over the IS engine and guides it true.USPP 2018/0159444, ¶132
That’s about where I stopped trying. I felt the void’s call and, gentle reader, I did not have the courage to face it. Not today.
But there is more to the story, without having to ponder the imponderables of the Infinityscrew, let alone the Infinitymatrix (I didn’t get that far)! I suspected they would not simply lie down when they faced their first rejection, and I was right. But I was not prepared for how right I turned out to be.
After four rejections, they appealed it. Once the applicant fixes their rookie appeal brief mistakes (we’ve all been there), this patent application will be reviewed by the USPTO’s Patent Trial and Appeal Board. They’re going to fight it as hard as they can, and part of me hopes they never give up. The world deserves to know about the Infinityscrew, and if the Patent Office won’t help them, then perhaps the courts!
On the one hand, I’m cheering for this plucky inventor. Reach for the stars! On the other hand, I have nothing but contempt for the patent attorney who keeps enabling it. Ryan Loveless, in case you googled yourself and are reading this, I know what you did. You should be ashamed of yourself.