The Romantic Jaw-Strengthener

I once knew a raw-foodist. Their whole thing is that processing food diminishes its nutritional value, and they definitely count “cooking” as a kind of processing. I’m not sure I credit their claims beyond the general health benefits of being thoughtful about what you eat.

But our good friend Charles Purdy recognized a different risk in cooking your food:

It is well known that modern methods of preparing food usually result in a cooked food requiring little or no mastication. The use of such food results in decayed teeth, undeveloped jaws, and various other complications due solely to the lack of exercise attendant on proper mastication.

USP 1,466,559, col. 1, lns 17-23

Hence the need for this mouth exercising device:

Two people facing one another. Each bites onto a respective side of a device with a spring between them.
USP 1,466,559, FIG. 4
They’re in love.

How does it work? Why, nothing could be simpler! You and your betrothed bite down on respective ends of the device and pull away from one another. In particular, “said persons pull in opposite directions similar to the so-called tug-of-war.” USP 1,466,559, col. 2, lns 96-97.

Of course, there is a one-person version of the same, where you fasten an end to the wall. Then, “by movements of the head, the device will receive a series of short jerks or impulses which will be transmitted to the teeth in order to produce a strain thereon.” USP 1,466,559, col. 2, lns 79-83. The only problem with that version is that it looks so lonely:

One lonely person bites down onto a device, attached by a spring to a wall.
USP 1,466,559, FIG. 3
You can almost see the
sadness in his eyes…

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