Getting Jacked

As a lifelong stringbean noodle-man, I sometimes wonder how the other half lives, with their rough-hewn thews and fast-twitch muscle fiber. How much time must they spend pushing heavy things around? How many raw eggs must they eat to achieve their bulbous goals?

But that’s my personal struggle: Always the Hiddleston, never the Hemsworth. I can at least salve my pride with the fact that I have never owned one of these.

USP 8,246,525, FIG. 6
I labeled the anatomically challenging parts for you.

There are actually multiple different versions. The patented and trademarked “Shake Weight” looked like this:

USP 8,133,160, FIG. 2
They had to know, right?

I’m a little surprised that they got the trademark “Shake Weight,” seeing as it’s very clearly descriptive, but that’s none of my business. What matters is that the Shake Weight apparently pulled $40 million in sales in just a couple of years, despite being pretty useless as a muscle-builder and burning fewer calories than walking.

I don’t think the original is for sale anymore, but they have kept the trademark going and still have some valid patents. Meanwhile, there appear to be tons of knockoffs out there, so it seems like someone is sleeping at the wheel over at Shake Weight HQ.

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