A Celebratory Device

There are a lot of jokes I’m NOT going to make in this one. Let that apophasis be your guide to the subtext of this Synchronized Confetti Sprayer and Descending Illuminated Ball: https://patents.google.com/patent/US6260989B1

I’ve never watched the New Year’s ball drop, not even when I lived in New York City. The idea of voluntarily going to Times Square seemed ill-conceived at the best of times, let alone standing for hours in the freezing cold, with a sea of human flesh on every side, unable to use the bathroom. But I can see the appeal of having a visual indication of the moment of completion, and that’s what this patent is all about.

As the moment of truth approaches, the ball 12 drops down toward the base.

[L]ights throughout the device will start flashing as noisemakers go off and confetti and glitter is expelled from the uppermost portion to announce the onset of the celebration.

USP 6,260,989,

At the climax, confetti is ejected from the end and the device starts yelling. The patent doesn’t say how long this paroxysm of activity lasts, but I doubt it’s longer than a few seconds. And then, everyone goes to bed!

I hope your 2022 is healthy and prosperous!